Mitt Romney Creates Impressions

An old friend of mine had skills of creating impressions. A visit to his home opened as a page from a living room ad straight  out of the pages of Home Beautiful.  He and his wife showed up at the gates of BC’s football Stadium on my invitation. I gurgled on watching their approach. He wore a raccoon fur coat to his ankles. Carried a BC pennant in is left hand, and waved a maroon and gold baseball hat in our direction. She had a BC blanket the Eagle showing, draped over her shoulder.

Every time I see Mitt Romney on TV, I think of those two friends who had to have consulted magazines and websites in order to look the correctly decked out part of the scene in which they were to function for a while. Herewith, a fictional impression of Romney, equally skilled.

As Chairman of the Board and CEO of Bain Capital, Mitt Romney sits at his desk in a golden office. No need to describe the furniture or the floor to ceiling windows on three sides of the room. Just to note the desk is clean, stark empty of files, but swelling with jewels of deskpad, clock, Mont Blanc penstand, and a monogramed note pad, bereft of any markings. He himself is equally formidable, clad in an enormously expensive black business suit, patiently waiting for the phone to buzz. When it does his receptionist announces, “Sir, the Consultors Committee on the Friendly’s Bankruptcy is here.”

“Please have the escort lead them to the Boardroom. I am on my way now,” came in an unperturbed voice.

Moments later, the same voice begins “Gentlemen we meet to hear of your discussions and decision on whether we are to order Friendly’s, last year’s most prominent acquisition, to petition for bankruptcy. Consultors Chairman, please begin.”

That man, obviously the second most powerful man in the room, describes the committee’s formation, allocation of tasks for research, and history to date. He speaks, “Chairman Romney of Bain Capital, I will call upon subcommittee chairs, alternating between their decisions to file or not to file for bankruptcy of Friendly’s.”

Chairman Romney nods approval.

One by one each man around the table expounds on why Friendly’s should be placed in bankruptcy or not. In sparse detail, when compared with the weeks in which they were in session. The Consultors Chairman then announces, “Our vote is 4 in favor of bankruptcy; three opposed.”

Romney, a bit weary of having paid intense attention during each report, declares, “I will recess now for my own deliberation. We will meet in 15 minutes.”

When reconvened, Romney is the only person who speaks. “After listening to your reports and sitting alone in quiet deliberation of my own, I have decided tp accept the judgment pf the four in favor of bankruptcy. Consultors Chairman, please issue the order to the Chairman of the Bankruptcies Committee forthwith. Gentlemen Consultors, as Chairman of the Board of Bain Capital, I thank you.”

Turning to his principal assistant, Romney states, “Please have the Chairman of the Acquisitions Committee come to my office at 11:30, AM, prepared to begin discussions on whether we should acquire the Real Estate Development Company of Nevada, as our next order of business. It is in trouble and looks weak.”

Thus, Bain Capital adds another increase to its swollen list of successfull capital ventures. Note that Romney had no ideas or suggestions or favorites, no desires at all. His mind, as usual, was a blank slate, devoid of opinions or fears, waiting for other skilled business financiers to inform him of what they think. With his power, all he needs do is decide.

Like a Judge in a trial courtroom, he presides, without showing any favor to either side, refraining from exposing his own predilections, if any, waiting patiently for the moment when he is called upon to decide by a lawyer’s, “May  it please the Court, we object on the grounds of relevance.” 

To which, with little hesitation after listening to the other lawyer’s reasoning, the Judge decides: “Objection sustained,” or “Objection denied.”  The Judge has one duty and only one: to decide.

And that is what Mitt Romney does. He does not create; he sifts the creations of others. He does not plan; he assigns planning to consultors and their subchairs. He does not take risks; he commands others to take risks and report back to him for decision. He does create jobs, though, in deciding for acquisitions, only to destroy them when the acquired company has been looted of its assets and thrown out for rubbish.

And whenever he wants an idea for his mind to tinkle with, he calls a meeting of the real top-guns of Bain Capital to come in and chat with him. He looks good in a business suit, although his dog on the roof of the car thinks it a charade. 

Come to think of it, that’s what Mitt Romney is. A Charade of Impressions.